Worth

I dub thee a sycophant
let us begin this worthy rant
A servile self-seeker who attempts to win favor
by flattering influential people whose attention you savour
remember that some of us watch you dear
and are aware of your lies which we can't help but hear
your gestures seem genuine
and yet are but a guise
you are a friend to none
I now realize
Strategic positioning vying for a prize
attention from those who in your eyes
can gain you momentum in your obvious goal
tell me again that you have a soul...?
when you sold it for nothing more than a good name
which in the end you yourself brought to shame
sycophantic tendencies have led to the end
of our friendship which I highly doubt we can mend
through the cracks of your smile you showed me your putrid truth
your behaviours so vile....so disgusting and uncouth
sacrificing for your delusion, all the true connections you once made
 The price for your indiscretion...you begrudgingly paid
though not without question, projection and tears
sorry that you manifested your fears
perhaps your facade will peel away from your face
and eventually you will remember your true place
down off your pedastal, back here on earth
when you know how to love...you will find your true worth

Salt & Sea

riding out the wave into the rocks
We come crashing into a hard realization
If I am the salt, then you are the sea
I am waiting for you to evaporate
so that I may be free
and here comes the sun-
oh brightly shining key

Tea Kettle Heart

Ready or not here I love
run if you must like some pedantic child
I will stand in place with a tea kettle heart
I'm screaming
Im boiling over
come pour me in your cup

Sated

never again
will I trust your strong arms to hold me
I see now that true strength lies in the heart
never again will I seek for you to know me
you knew me enough to rip me apart
never again will I open my door
if i crack it open, it will be simply to peak out
never again will I be your whore
This allegance to myself, will be absolute, and devout.
never again will I be such a fool
as to believe that you reciprocated
never again will I be your tool
some flesh toy with which your desires may be sated

Foresaker

crazy maker
heart breaker
fucking faker
belly acher
coal raker
soultaker
foresaker

Lesion

Who could love
a lesion
who could love
a cyst
tell me that Im wrong
when I say I won't be missed
Who could find a reason
to hold on to a thorn
tell me that Im lying
When I say I wish I wasn't born
Who could be so foolish
as to let me in
tell you something that Im sure of
I will never love again

Bereft

You made clear that I am secondary
and I "the fool" held my fools gold prize
What we shared was extraordinary
yet it comes as no surprise
that I was shiny pretty new... a toy
for a silly careless little boy
and I didn't even mind
in fact if I could rewind
Id keep each moment the same
is that even sane?
I'd never trade a touch or cuddle
I wouldn't take back my lake-like tear puddle
I'd ask for it all again
I am a glutton for pain
I relive moments in my head
because that is now all I've left
for you I am seeing Red
and of your love my world is now bereft

Gladly

Love me like my mother wouldn't
See me as my Daddy couldn't
Keep me even though you shouldn't
I am pretty I am smart
Treat me as a princess-wont you?
ALWAYS love me...LOVE ME!!! dont you?
With all my kisses I'll anoint you
I am willing to play the part
Love me or I wont be worth it
Validate me or I'll die of regret
but push me and I'll push you back
psyche under direct attack
I'll haunt you if you dare forget me
don't pretend you never met me
I'll destroy you if you let me
if you think that I won't win...bet me
Need me like I need you-Sadly
Love me like I love you-Madly
Treat me like I treat you-Badly
Rip your heart out and eat it? Gladly!

Attention Whore

Trust you grow with reaching branches
"Friend" in you I was taking chances
yet you lie without even batting your lashes
of our brittle bond, there is nothing left but ashes

I smell your lie
like a fresh burning pie
You are looking for attention
and the rest I won't mention

You will deny any logic I apply
for drama you have a penchant
needing love from Momma
You are barely sentient

Trust you fade with every morning
"Friend" my time with you is adjourning
all of my affection will be withdrawn without warning
as I think of the friends you are subtly scorning

Your jealousy is very ugly
Explosive, you should be handled with care
you are staring, smiling, and sitting smugly
Speak my mind? I wouldn't dare...

Manipulation is your default
your failed coercion turns to assault
for if you do not get your way
surely there will be hell to pay

So let your insecurity be your crown
while you subtly tear others down
by implying that you always know best
You passively indicate that you're better than the rest

Faker I have learned my lesson
parting from you will be nothing short of a blessing
You can live in your sad denial
watching your patterns is truly vile

But know this liar, that I see through
I watch closely-yes I do...
and I have seen this all before
you are just an attention whore

I am a Porcupine

I have sharp quills
I will make you bleed
I will come as a sharp surprise
stay the fuck away from me
I will get under your skin
quite literally
I have sharp quills
I will make you bleed

"Amigo"

I despise you
this is certain
there is no man
behind this curtain
the truth escapes you still I see
you have destroyed the best of me
I realize your mind
is very vapid
your process of thought
albeit rapid
offers nothing of value to me
your basic thought process, is unimpressive you see
don't pretend that you are my "amigo"
when obviously your love is outweighed by your ego

Hope, and Wonder

love you have given me substance and reason
love you have broken me down for a season
love you build me back up once again
love you make sniffling boys out of men
love you leave hallow the hearts of those willing
to believe in the myth of you, hold on to the wish of you
love you are a wholly irrational feeling
and I do not want to need you
love? Fuck you love! you have torn me asunder
love fuck you love....you made me hope, and wonder.

Magnificent

Magnificent
I love you in a moment
with one soft brush
of your lips upon my skin
you were a shadow
until the sun colored you over
and filled my eyes with you
Magnificent
I need you now forever
yet you will go
faster than I came
draining me of my color
leaving me as a shadow

White Rabbit Running

Blue eyes blind me
don't remind me
I want to want nothing
I need to need something
blue eyes spellbind me
you always find me
in my deepest slumber
in my wildest dreams
Blue eyes see me
please come free me
I want to want nothing
I need to need something
Blue eyes burn me
my heart yearning
White Rabbit Running
I've run out of time

Against My Will

Goodbye to you
who made me feel
Goodbye to you
-this isn't real!
Goodbye to you
I love you still...
Goodbye to you
against my will

Purring Angel on my Shoulder

Sleep my forever friend
whose fluffy tail haunts me well
whose kitty kisses I may always feel
I know you are gone but I reach for you still
I never loved anything so completely
you were everything to me-you healed my heart so sweetly
you were the one joy which made my heart soar
with you, I couldn't possibly have asked for more
I gave you as much love as you gave to me
and I must admit I will never accept freely
that I had to let you go
too sudden this horrific show
a constellation of symptoms which let me know
that my sweet baby was suffering-
and I couldn't let you suffer, so-
I gave you back to heaven
where you came from originally
this angel on my shoulder- in kitty years was only eleven
yet for six months, she brought heaven down to me.

Dares You

Such a sweet release is-
in apocarteresis
secrets kept in sleeplessness
and remnants of a sweet caress
haunt the girl who eats her crow
and no one else must ever know
for they might make her let this go
and she dares you to try, you know...

Black Foot

Acting quick this rotting spree
how very fitting this fate will be
I dipped my foot into the coldest sea
now this black-foot is a part of me
for I have a parasite feeding on empathy
hungry for anyone willing to feed me
step into my teeth and surely you'll bleed free
this parasite is a part of me
unable to live dispassionately
damn you now sweet chemistry
bound by reason yet logic free
you might be the death of me
decomposing readily
this corpse is fading steadily
sleeping still under my tree
this might be whats best for me

Delusions of Love

bleed me clean
of this living dream
comprised of all my lacking actions
-and my poison words
tell me sweetly,
you're mine completely
though secretly
we both know, that would be absurd
watch me burning
my heart is yearning
yet you are colder
than the oldest arctic ice
hear me lamenting
new tragedies inventing
with my tongue admitting
you are my addiction, and my vice
feel the disconnection
for my words were an infection
they were so hollow and meaningless
and now I am the fool
some would have run
At a time when I had only begun
to realize my position in your world
as a tool

"Hello Mud....My name is Stick"

Vertigo is a metaphor for Me
I'm like a kitten crying high up in a tree
paralyzed by fear unable to climb down
holding on tight, my world is spinning all around
I thought of nothing as I climbed up branch by branch
It seemed so novel, and so I took my chance
but now I've climbed too high, and this game is much less fun
soon if the winds blow, my adventure will be done
how can i retrace steps, to make sense of this mess
Logically I should be able to mentally digress
a re-route of thought process would likely do the trick
yet "Hello Mud"....."My name is Stick"
Vertigo is a metaphor for me
I'm like a child crying high up in a tree
reaching out for help, unable to climb down
letting go I take a tumble to the ground
My mind is like a maze, and I have lost my way
I cannot smell the cheese and so in this place I stay
stuck in loop logic, I do not persevere
My voice of reason whispers "Get me out of here"
a re-route of thought process would likely do the trick
yet "Hello Mud...."My name is Stick"

Wanderlust

Wanderlust you glaze me green
bursting through my every seam
bursting through with bitter scream
wanderlust you glaze me green
nothing else will ever matter
when the world is all but shattered
in my box where I live
in corporate hell with little give
this numerical identity overtakes me
a four wall cubicle all but breaks me
this ringing phone will be my noose
I feel my screws are coming loose
Im bursting out of my own skin
with every word from bitter men
my hatred bubbles underneath
building pressure with no relief
while all the natural world in glory
continues with its unnatural story
and men forget who they were meant to be
wanderlust....you get to me

Psychobabble

hollow greetings tongue and cheek
meaningless sentiments which men speak
to alleviate responsibility
replacing action with empty word
this pinnacle of futility
atop this peak of the absurd
lady justice sharing her fashion
men wearing blindfolds already blind with passion
shaking fists and bullshit rabble
enough of your psychobabble

My name is Doormat

walk all over
walk over me
wipe your feet
use me for
my specific purpose
and leave nothing
but a mess behind

To My Core

within my quaking heart
the plates of truth are shifting
this violent discourse
changes the shape of my
heart scape
I am cracked apart
swayed by the tidal flow
ebbing away from my heart
I am divided by these willful fault lines
this building friction is ever threatening
to release in one swift moment-
all these repressed dynamics
Too soon will brutal truths shake me to my core

But I am Tired

hazy
now I know I must be
crazy
jaded
there is no way I can be
sated
lying
with every word I am
denying
finished
my sense of self is so
diminished
resign
to such a fate
as what is mine
reaching
my tired arms and eyes
beseeching
required
to fight for me
but I am tired

Cheap

What now could I say
when all has been said
and nothing has been done
talk is cheap
and so am I

More Boomerang than Balloon

let go of your white knuckle grip
lose me in the crowd
and walk on without me
I was deflated like a birthday balloon
I sought infinity and the sky
yet tethered to man,
I was forced to watch clouds pass by
slow leak...shhhhhhhhh I drain out of me
let go of your white knuckle grip
or pop me with your sharp words
but do not hold me to you
tethered and sad
and limply hanging on to the sky
let go of your white knuckle grip
and see that I float near
like a shadow or some constant echo
always to return
more boomerang than balloon
more captive than free

For One to Hear

Futility! My trunk it reaches for a stick
My elephant feet still do not hit the bottom
My trumpet sounds aloud for none to hear
It is a muddy grave for me I fear, my dear
My eyes speak as if to tell a story
The only audience is one small black ant
My trumpet sounds aloud for one to hear
Though it's still a muddy grave for me, I fear, my dear.
There is solace in the certainty of ending
Acceptance is the key to sweet release
My trumpet is silent now, so none will hear
It is a muddy grave for me, I fear, my dear.

Lunacy

oh love you wax
oh love you wane
this push and pull
drives me insane
I long to evaporate
as all the sea
for this lunar pull
breeds...lunacy.

Flutter by you butterfly

flutter by you butterfly
and land not softly on my locks
A breeze goes by, you know the sky
yet I am grounded, with the rocks
catch not my heart, nor my eye
you taunt me with a bitter truth
flutter by you butterfly
remind me not of my fleeting youth.

Fool

Such a fool to let you in
such a fool to let you win
such a fool to hear your plight
I'm such a fool, adieu...goodnight
such a fool for you I know...
such a fool yet here I go

Blind Attraction

I'll be nobody's distraction
and you'll be none of mine
our convoluted interaction
should have been a sign
yet your bleeding on my shoes now
just to be my stain
and I'm seeing through your rouse somehow
seeing through to all your pain
I'll be nobody's distraction
and you'll be none of mine
Walking into walls; oh blind attraction
without you I was just fine

Show

Listless, this is all I know
vicious cycles go, go, go
try to force it though I know
my true colors always show
I take a bow... This is epic!
my performance makes even me sick
I believe this lie I tell
please someone know me all too well

Safer

see me close up like a portal
in a science fiction flick
try to squeeze in, you wont fit well
breaking yourself in two might do the trick
see me close up, beg if you will
I wont hear you as I close
behind this layer I am safer, still
underneath...i am exposed.

Skeleton on the walk of shame

shrink down me
this tiny thing
whose flesh hangs
round a failing frame
heart pounds aching
body shaking
skeleton on the walk of shame

Joining The Source

disconnect and pull the plug
right out from underneath me
you pulled the rug
slow motion process at break neck speed
watching the ground come closer
for milliseconds at a time I bleed
and suddenly it all is clear
for the ground is all too near
bracing for impact
shattering in space
realizing the fact
that my splattering face
cannot stop the momentum
of my death force
slow motion collision
rejoining the source

Big Boss

if there was a god
i would ask him
to start the game over
....or just to end the game
choose a different character
or seriously up my stats because
right now im getting beat by the big boss

Cinder

Would I fly over the trees
if my spirit escapes
would i watch with the bees
and slide with the snakes
or would I become anti matter
living in the underside of the universe
a droplet of rain going pitter patter
or a rock in the ocean fully immersed
Let me break out of my own mind
for I am silenced by my own agenda
and only false peace do I find
as my soul burns down to cinder

Since She Could Not Wait Till Spring

I purge myself of you
you, who in my pores seeped
and then stuck like glue
you snake like spore
whose spiteful tongue split
by her own teeth
whose petty hands couldn't
hold true to truth
she tries to infect me
and yet instead she is so affected
her childlike ruse to incite anger
will not melt my ice queen heart
only the warmth of loving spring
will loose my surging torrent
yet as she smashes me with a hammer
i only break to cut her open
with each shard of my frozen self
since she could not wait for spring.

I like to Walk on Glass

Wondering with fury
about my reasons
for I walk on glass
as I smile
to remind me....of me
shards deep in heel
feeling ever more real
and yet i do not seek
a remedy
readily preferring gangrene
Try to follow the bloody footsteps
if you wish to find me
but watch your step
I like to walk on glass...
to remind me...of me

Lamb's Face

I read you like a book with a thin plot
I pop you like a bubble of shallow thought
two faced Janus, I liked your lamb face better
sugar sweet, I choke on you letter by letter
I read through the lines to the lie of you
I read through the lies to the eye of you
don't think for all your fog, that i can't see through
so drop your false pretenses, you play games, but I'm no sport
for all your talk (oh and how you talk) you seem to come up short
selfish intentions speak loudest of all
you play the victim and let others take the fall
standing in your hole with shovel in hand
you dug it yourself and now your stuck in quicksand
blaming the one's who once stood extending a rope
now you must find your own way to cope
you sounded the horn to Armageddon
you made the bed which you now must lay in
your words are an infection, spurting out like puss
don't smile and wave you sugar puff Judas
two faced Janus, I liked your lamb face better
sugur sweet, I choke on you, malicious-blood letter.

He loves me not

Plucked flower
wilts away
once appreciated
now organic decay
broken petals, he loves me not
I was a flower
but now i rot

Cancer Rage

Growing at an alarming rate
you multiply and mutate
inside of me this cancer rage
which is still expanding as I age
I put on this brave face
and put one foot forth to win the race
my words fall out of my mouth like hair
leaving me screaming, my soul bare
my mind is frail, my heart is weak
my eyes are blinded as my tears leak
lay me down on the table and examine me well
all the tools in the world wouldn't be able to tell
searching for an answer, a cure for this disease
name me for this condition, which brings men to their knees
this is the contingency of being, which I epitomize
Doctor Life bring me the remedy, it's time to euthanize.

Death Machine

Push me out
of this death canal
the primal scream
marks my arrival
reach for compassion
to no avail
put me into this
death machine
connect the wires
to the mother board
oh how i wish I was never born
into this conspiring uniform
i am so perfectly blended
into the system
like so much fruit in a socialist smoothie
i cannot move
my legs are not my own
and i age quickly
in this passing moment
which stretches out like taffy
into eternal apathy
I'm automated...
it seems my sense of self
was confiscated
the right wing swallowed the left wing
and all sides stand steady
we are the war machine that fights itself
and were self destruction ready.

Crocodile Smile

I gave myself away to you, like a vial of cheap perfume.
From the moment you caught my scent, I knew of my impending doom.
My heart was thumping. I was a rabbit in the grass.
You beckoned, I followed; though your tactics were crass.
I couldn't have valued myself much less.
It seemed like a fun thing to do I guess.
And so I walked into the mouth of the crocodile,
as it seemed so inviting with it's smile.
I was daring myself to feel even for a second,
those piercing teeth through my rabbit skin.
In the last moments of my consciousness,
I wanted to remember this-
relationship of predator and prey.
It was the last embrace; of flying fur and bloody spray.

Destroyed

What was I expecting
in this pyroclastic flow
but to be destroyed
still I will stand
watching the waves of red
as they flow towards me
steam and fire on the water
and I am blackened in the roar

This Mighty Wall

I see now that there is no way
to pass over this mighty wall
which stands so haughty in between
and mocks me with its thorny hedge
So I will stay on my own side
and speak to you through a tiny hole
watching as you forget that
I ever had a key to your door.

So Goes My Mind

So goes my mind
far away
like a distant lingering dream
as i drink in scenery
watching in a fog
the world rushes around me
I am a boulder in a fast flowing stream

I thought I Saw You

I thought I saw you as an angel
in my dreams with arms outstretched
not noticing the stage set behind you
or the spotlight which draped you in angelic glow
I thought I saw you as an angel
sweet music flowing from your lips
not noticing the soundtrack playing
nor that you were mouthing the words to it
I thought I saw you as an angel
I cried at your feet and took your hand
not noticing the bodies all around us
with faded smiles and outstretched arms
I thought I knew you, as my angel
until you raised your hidden scythe
not noticing the bloodstained blade
nor your smiling eyes reflected in it

A Pat on the Back

Embrace with limp arms
and a pat on the back
eyes hold each other in a cold gaze
speaking our wordless goodbye's
as yesterday's fall back further behind
in a line of tear blurred memories
simple discharge of so large an investment
after breaking free from this quagmire and realizing
that which we once found endearing
we were now all but enduring.

Someplace Kind

Someplace kind
I long to be
where people give
their love for free
to all who ask
and even, to me
where acts of compassion
come naturally
a land where even the
blind can see
and man can live co-consciously
while in a perfect balance
of duality
Someplace kind
I long to be

Phantom Limb Pain

wasting borrowed time
finite this paradigm
we build on fallen empires
let feed the psychic vampires
drunk on me, drink me down to the last
I fill you up, I hit you fast
I am mercury in your veins
I am phantom limb pains
I eat you alive from within
I divide and multiply again
I know what you are, you are what you eat
so you might as well admit defeat
I am mercury in your veins
I am phantom limb pains
I fill you up, I hit you fast
drunk on me, drink me down to the last.

Sting of a Stitch

shut me down
with the flick of a switch
turn you off
with the sting of a stitch
lasting sensation of the prick
don't worry, you'll just feel a little sick
open your mouth and close your eyes
I'm going to feed you a bunch of lies
beat me off
of this pedestal
we're de-evolving primordial
in pools of mans melting will
eat me up please take your fill
break me in
I am new car smell
try me on
and love me well
flash by me
in the blink of an eye
memory fading as moments fly
crash into me
this is the last collision
splash of reality
in this split decision
open your mouth and close your eyes
I'm going to feed you a bunch of lies
customize me
you cut and paste
rearrange me and erase

Scar Itch

transparent your reason
I see you as a back bleeding knife wound
even after the wound heals
you are my scar itch
I do not forget so easily
so do not expect me to hold your hand
when it is still covered in my blood

Snake Skin

slash ribbons through snake skin
you slithering reptilian
I want to wear you now
like you wore me...wore me out
or feed on you for sustenance
but instead you bite through my shoes
and I sit sucking the venom out of my toe
so I shall cut off your head with a sharp stone
so that you cannot bite me again

I am the Sand

I am sand
seeking to escape
through the cracks
of a broken time glass
I escape crumbling through the lines
longing to return home
back to seashores
soaking in golden sunlight

The Raging Bear

what is this trivial mass
where the ambiguous hedges meet
looking into your eyes of glass
your heart so indiscreet
the never ending night
turned into never ending day
the prize on which i have set my sights
turned into the price which i must pay
sweetly sleeping in my thoughts
the hibernating bear
in a wilted field of forget-me-not's
and the smell of smoke in the air
to wake him with fury is my goal
as I poke him with a stick
so that I may ask him to devour me whole
in an attempt to make him sick
for these forces with which i pretend to reckon
will certainly prove me a fool
the warm scent of springtime will beckon
and awaken the raging bear in full

Seagull Sonnets

Am I stronger than this current
which took me like a child out to sea
please tell me where the warm sand went
and how it got out from underneath me
drifting on my back like an otter
looking indirectly into the sun
burn into my eyes this vision of water
this copasetic union is mutual and fun
I am one with this body of salty abandon
and seagull sonnets are on the tip of my tongue
and although this adventure is entirely random
this oceananic opus will be sung
with all that I am I will emote
and cry with passion out all the words
to the beat of my heart as I float
as I sing to the earth with the wind and the birds.

Paper Weight

I am a paper
you are weight
without you
I'd fly away
and with you
I am crumpled
crushed under
and faded with age

Spit On My Flowers

When I failed you
I was micro me
small bits chewed up
and spit out into birds mouth
when I failed you
I was prostrated
and still I lay here
licking dirt from your shoes
When I failed you
I was infection
drained out
the sores never quite healed
When you failed me
I was expendable
and your reason conquered over
my freshly dug grave
and spit on my flowers

Because You Fly Away

I let you go
because you fly away
and I cannot hold
onto this balloon for long
it rises with the moon
and threatens to take me with it
into the looming unfavorable skies
my clipped wings flutter
and try to remember the wind
I let you go
because you fly away

Caged Canary

Sometimes I feel like a caged canary
watching you through my wooden cell
realizing I am secondary
because I know you all too well
You'd much prefer my silent partner
who sleeps purring at your feet
I watch you pet her long sleek fur
as I chirp forgotten in defeat
my song is lost inside your ear
replaced by sweet enticing mew
her soft touch and presence is always near
as I sing a bitter song to you
all my feathers fade in color
I cling to my perch with all my might
you take comfort in your other
and I sing songs into the night

This Cry

This cry
began with one
single tear
streaming down
into my drink
I with convulsing despair
shuddered helpless to the floor
in awe of each growing wave
of mindbending agony
unable to believe
in any moment
outside of this one
gripping towels on the wall
as I fall in a heap
begging the gods
to stop my heart
from feeling
questioning everything
that I ever believed
questioning everything
that I ever believed
this cry
began with one
single tear
which I have brushed away
for far too long
always taunting me
with its salty self
and this burning lump
of repressed emotion
which rests like candy
in my throat.

Kill the Mood

Your rancid self
oozes emotion
and as a plague
which spreads like fire
from one to the other
one hundredth monkey theory
Your despicable ways
dis compassionate eyes
glare enraged
like a caged bull
snorting angry
and waiting
your hateful self
will not rest
until you have spread
your corrupt seed
across every knoll and hillside
like pesticide
you kill the mood

Old Well

pump away at me
and you will find
that I am tapped out
like an old well
which has gone unused
for some time.

Door to Door Salesman

Get Out
you were not invited
I only have enough room
for me in here
the door to my heart
is boarded shut
and your only option
is to kick me in
Get out
this is private property
and you are just
a door to door
salesman.

This Cat

this cat sees
an open window
and jumps quickly
to the ledge
looking down
just a few stories to fall
freedom is waiting
She only need give up
one of her lives
to start her life anew
this cat sees
an open window
but crawls instead
back to a warm
comfortable
familiar spot
next to his feet.

Bile in my Throat

white noise
fills my throat
leaking out
like stomach bile
i want to purge myself of you
you linger as a bad taste
in my mouth
and i cannot wash you out

By What Design

by what design
did my fate come?
such questions
fall carelessly
from my lips
and still I sit
and still I sit
waiting for the tide
to wash over my feet
knowing full well
that my mind
designed my fate
with focused intention
did I gave birth
to this silent moment,
this silver moon,
this warm friendly breeze
and sea foam covered feet

Shadow of Dream

in shadow of dream
comes my indiscretion
you'd think by now
that I'd learn my lesson
but again with the tide
there's no where I can hide
come wind blow me away forever
ill live inside the arms of your embrace
chasing the leaves
over the oceans and seas
never knowing the stop, of stop and go
and watching all the world in its natural flow
in shadow of dream
comes forgotten obscure obsession
you'd think by now
that I'd learned my lesson
but again with a quake
I feel myself shake
come world we are tumbling down together
ill be reborn in the aftermath of this end
growing as a seed
peeking out a green leaf
never knowing the the meaning of the word no
now a part of the world in all its natural flow
in a shadow of dream
comes the sweetest of reminders
you'd think by now
that I would have learned my lesson
but the rain drowns me out
as I scream and I shout
come rain and cry me out a river
my dreams have been buried in this space
and all I have is this song
so someone please sing along
I've never known the comfort of going slow
let me be a part of the world in all its natural flow

As Long

as long as you are happy
because i will never be
as long as you are able
to live your life as free
as long as you are smiling
because my smile is a lie
as long as you are laughing...
...because you know, all I want to do is cry.

The Truth

the truth is like
loud music playing at 4 in the morning
when you have to be up at 5
it echoes booming like a loud persistent bass beat
leaving your head pounding... you can't think straight
the truth is like a hangover
it wakes you in the morning with waves of sick
sick all over yourself, you never make it to the toilet
it rages, rolling with every turn of your head
it takes over logic, and leaves you fetal position in the shower
the truth is like a zombie apocalypse
because deep down inside you know
that you will never survive it
it devours with insatiable hunger
the meek and weary
The truth is a cockroach
that lives on forever

Want to Believe You

I never knew such loneliness until I met you
and even if I go I wont forget you
behind this smile I want to cry
and I can't even look you in the eye
I want to believe you...but you lie.


I never lost myself until I found you
the world stops making sense when I'm around you
and all the while, I want to die
I find myself just asking why
I want to believe you when you lie.

Love Curdled

My heart has turned.....
Like sour milk
love curdled, and its too late
Ive gone terribly bad
my heart has turned
like sour milk.

What's on the Inside

weak minded
parasite
cannot see his own blood covered hand
as he feeds off of others
in vulturesque form
he is the puppet
searching for a master
who hangs him self on his own puppet strings
he finds dark holes to hide in
and creeps in his worm like way
I so want to step on him with my boot
to see whats on the inside.

I Don't Take Kindly

i am receding
into my psyche
deeper down
than you can probe
i am missing
i am not present
you wave your hands
and i stare back blindly
i am bleeding
but you cant see me
im lost and found
as a center fold
i am missing
i am not present
i understand
but i dont take kindly

Drowning

I have given into the torrential flow
and water seeps into my nose
i choke and sputter in the current
lost inside this foamy requium
which roars and bursts, inside my ears.

Compost

we are breaking down
like cells after death
like all living matter
we decompose
we are compost

Nothing

Nothing here, nothing there,
nothing fucking anywhere!
Nothing even inside me,
except for you occasionally.
Hallow space, empty void...
don't you see I am destroyed?
Vast and meaningless-why do I care?
Nothing always everywhere
even inside there's nothing at all
echo in silence as I take the fall.
Nothing to feel, inside of me,
except for you occasionally.

Plausible Deniability

A wish is hiding inside of me
so deep...residing
inside of me...
That sleeps, and shudders,
inside of me...
That slips and wanders,
inside of me...
Like secret fingers, that feel to see,
A flesh-bound wonder
the mirror me
and eyes that search
inside to see
such an improbability
and yet with such plausible deniability...
the wish residing inside of me...
so deep, is sliding inside of me...
that sleeps and wanders,
inside of me...
like secret fingers, that feel to see...
Some nameless thought
the mirror me,
and plausible deniability.

White Noise

Buzzing in my head
like a million angry bees
this chaos unbridled
lost in translation
turns to milky white noise
shhhhhhhhhhh
render me pointless
speech muffled in babble
pick me like a flower
and toss me to the floor

Deep Secret

Pierce me through
hold me, break me in,
let your arms be my fortress
fill me up with you
fill me, feel me too
pierce me through
show me your deep secret
hold me, break me in
make me forget my own skin
fly with me outside of men
and back again
I'll show you the deepest part of me
fill me up with you
pierce me through
let me feel the pulse of you
hold me, break me in
make me forget my own skin
fly with me outside of men
and back again

Lump of Clay

Let it all fall away
trembling in your arms I say
"Do not let me be this way"
"Do not let me be this way"
cannot comprehend today
stuck and sitting here I stay
there is no sunlight, NO not a ray...
and I scream "FUCK I'm just a lump of clay!"

Payroll Prostitute

Payroll Prostitute
wears heeled shoes
loves only walls
loves only machine
loves only paper
loves only money
cares not for men
but LOVES "the man"
Payroll Prostitute
she doesn't give it up for cheap
she and all the others are asleep
loving only productivity
sales
numbers
materials
and when they are overcome with a sense of hollowness
they scream "FILL THIS"
and then Payroll Prostitute comes in
and says "It is not a sin to be so hardened,
when it is your fellow man you condemn!"
She wears a suit
wears a tie
wears a smile
cares not for men
but LOVES "the man"
She'll never give it up for cheap
she an all the others are asleep.

You my Sunlight

water my soul with your presence, render me useless with your touch, I hear you calling, but im rooted as a tree....my wistful branches reach for you twisting and searching for your light, all my soul stretches towards you, but remains locally fastened to this earthly prerequisite. You my sunlight warm my heart and so I will close my eyes and smile and look upon you.

You, with your rays of light, you blind me, but I love this ocular assault. You with your rays of life, you remind me of what it means to be alive. I burn for you to burn me. I burn up for you. I am charred with wanting, left smoldering and smoking.

I wish to burn down...burn me down. I will still reach for your light through the smoke and ash with whatever is left of my rooted self, and with every new green leaf sprouting from my relinquished trunk will I remember the way you warmed me to the core, and caressed my soul with your knowing golden arms. You my sunlight warm my heart and so I will close my eyes and smile and look upon you.

Stalemate Lover

letting go of the thread
tapestry comes unraveled
running slow through my head
all the roads I have traveled
knowing that I am unusual
breeds a loneliness abounding
perhaps I am delusional
for my problems are compounding
No hands to trust, my hands are slipping
my back is bare, no wings for clipping
i tread lightly on this eggshell path
and creep nightly to escape the wrath
I dream big, but live small
I trip often, but dont fall
live on the edge and drop all my pretense
fuck it all, none of it makes sense
close my heart like a book
i was a fool to let you take a look
you read the preface,
glanced at the cover
couldn't care much less
I'm a stalemate lover

Pawn of Men

So low all the resources of my soul
and I run on all but empty as I go
dreams remind me of what it's like to feel
head be quiet...oh heart be still
sleep evades me as I toss and turn
thoughts race, and undulated desires burn
all my resolve washed away like sand
my body once a temple, now a shipwreck, unmanned
Sleep sweet sleep escape tomorrow
drown in tears for all my sorrow
gag me with a stick
play the worlds smallest violin
swimming in the sick
the game, the player, the pawn of men.

Omni-Void

I am now the omni void
how long have I been destroyed
sip and swallow, drink me dry
ever hollow lonely I
Just a rag to clean the mess
just a stain upon my dress
just a lie to ease the mind
just a cut to the ties which bind
rub salt into deep wound bleeding
falter and fall with faith receding
oh how badly I am needing
needing even as I am feeding
feeding though I'm never full
full of reason as a rule,
reason? fuck it! void and null
riptide of rage I feel your pull
I am now the omni void
how long have I been destroyed
sip and swallow, drink me dry
ever hollow lonely I

Cross the Line

In truth when all the buzzing stops
this swirl of thought that kills the mind
There is a moment when the bubble pops
it is as if the planets were all aligned
a small exclusion from consideration
is fed by the hand of circumstance
and grows into a new temptation
which continues into a blind romance
buzzing loud I'm switching gears
let's drown out all the noise
"la la la!" I plug my ears
until confusion breaks my poise
Please forgive me for my trespass
I should have seen the sign
and stayed on my side of the grass
but I always cross the line.

Dog Toy

You make me feel alive
acutely aware of my condition
this blade in my heart becomes real
with every word unspoken
you make me feel the twist
in my back of the spears head
you make me know me..internal nemesis
you make me bleed you out
wires around the neck tighten
you squeeze me to a squeeks point
like a dog toy chewed to bits

Stockholm Syndrome

You! You hold my brain hostage
and I have Stockholm syndrome
So I submit to this confusion
pure waves of emotion
you hold me up at gunpoint
your gun points right at my face
and I love it

Paper Warrior

I fight inside myself
but I am a paper warrior
rock and scissors had their way with me
cut up to shreds and pulverized to bits
I fight inside myself
but always hold the white flag
crying as rockets fly around me in the night
helpless and under-skilled
I run serpentine and aimless
bullets in crossfire
I fall into a hole
mud sucks at my shoeless feet
I scratch as I am climbing
the enemy surrounds me
laughing at my plight
I fight inside myself
and always lose the battle
defeating both sides
in simultaneous seppuku
laying on the ground
swords of truth buried inside
disemboweled with head hung in shame
I lost at my own game
I fight inside myself
but I am a paper warrior
rock and scissors had their way with me
cut up to shreds and pulverized to bits